Saturday, August 17, 2013


always a ramble...


 The other day I went for a run and found myself at my daughters school.  My oldest daughter will be starting intermediate school this year ( I guess it is the junior high before the junior high?) I am already aging myself as we had three schools growing up: elementary, junior high, and high school.   If you read through some of my previous posts, we have done the home schooling route and for now, it isn’t what our family feels we should be doing. I went to public school and became a Christian at the age of 15 through Fellowship of Christian Athletes and Young Life. I am forever thankful for those ministries.

As I was on my run, visions of my senior year came to me and remembering what had happened and recalling  reading the book “She Said Yes” ( The story about Cassie Bernall who was shot in the 1999 shootings, for saying she believed in God. I graduated in 1999 and remember the Columbine  school shootings and since then, every year or so, another school is affected by some tragedy. Including this past year, the Connecticut shootings, which also happened a week after we sent our two daughters back to public school. These thoughts were  what brought me to my daughters school. 

I found myself running full circle around this school.  I prayed for each window, each class room, every sign I saw for the office, the gym, the auditorium, everything up to the back entrance and the side walk, I prayed over.   I ran around it and PRAYED. I prayed for God to be invited into this school. For my daughter  to be a light there. For me to be involved and  to stand aware of how to be used there. I prayed for instruction on how to continue to raise my daughter to be a Christ Follower. I prayed For protection of the students and for the teachers.  I prayed For Him to BE THERE!  Just as He was there for me the fall of 1997 when I prayed for him to be in my heart at a Fellowship of Christian Athlete meeting that was held  IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL! 

With my run around it the story of Joshua came to mind and how he was called to march around the city of Jericho.  

I plan to go back before school starts and run around there each day and pray for God  to break down the walls that have been placed there for Him not to be allowed in there.    The day before she starts I want to do 7 laps and  give a loud shout for Him to be there not just for this year but for the remainder of time until Jesus comes back.

Joshua 6:16-17 "The seventh time around, when the priests sounded the trumpet blast, Joshua commanded the army, “Shout! For the Lord has given you the city! The city and all that is in it are to be devoted to the Lord"

I am praying the students, the parents, the teachers and the administration of my school district hear this shout and begin to hear and feel God’s presence and see restoration to where so many things are broken in our school system.  I pray against the evil that will also feel His presence and that it wont be allowed into our schools any longer, as it has been in the past, and has been allowed to bring in a spirit of fear and anger.  

I am looking forward to being involved in anyway possible to bring our faith into our school district. Believe me I am prepared for the fight and rejection.  I am looking forward to seeing my children be light in their school.  

Please join me by marching around your community’s schools. As groups of churches, as groups of parents, as just YOU.  

As I finished my run around the school,  I noticed the “ENTER ONLY” sign to the parking lot. I made my final prayer, and asked God to “ENTER ONLY into this school”.  

I then walked home.  If you are a runner there is something so hard about stopping in a run to walk. It is so defeating, not to mention, when it is the run back home, you know you are almost done.  I walked home thinking about how Oswald Chambers said, “There is no thrill for us in walking, yet it is the test for all of our steady and enduring qualities.” He also wrote this....

Having the reality of God’s presence is not dependent on our being in a particular circumstance or place, but is only dependent on our determination to keep the Lord before us continually. Our problems arise when we refuse to place our trust in the reality of His presence. The experience the psalmist speaks of— “We will not fear, even though . . .” (Psalm 46:2)— will be ours once we are grounded on the truth of the reality of God’s presence, not just a simple awareness of it, but an understanding of the reality of it. Then we will exclaim, “He has been here all the time!” At critical moments in our lives it is necessary to ask God for guidance, but it should be unnecessary to be constantly saying, “Oh, Lord, direct me in this, and in that.” Of course He will, and in fact, He is doing it already! If our everyday decisions are not according to His will, He will press through them, bringing restraint to our spirit. Then we must be quiet and wait for the direction of His presence.

Friends He has actually never left....He is just waiting for us to march for Him and to get out of our fear and anxiety that has left us so broken as a country.....

Joshua 6 (NIV)
1Now the gates of Jericho were securely barred because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in.
2 Then the Lord said to Joshua, “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have the whole army give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the army will go up, everyone straight in.”
6 So Joshua son of Nun called the priests and said to them, “Take up the ark of the covenant of the Lord and have seven priests carry trumpets in front of it.” 7 And he ordered the army, “Advance! March around the city, with an armed guard going ahead of the ark of the Lord.”
8 When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the Lord went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the Lord’s covenant followed them. 9 The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. 10 But Joshua had commanded the army, “Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!” 11 So he had the ark of the Lord carried around the city, circling it once. Then the army returned to camp and spent the night there.
12 Joshua got up early the next morning and the priests took up the ark of the Lord. 13 The seven priests carrying the seven trumpets went forward, marching before the ark of the Lord and blowing the trumpets. The armed men went ahead of them and the rear guard followed the ark of the Lord, while the trumpets kept sounding. 14 So on the second day they marched around the city once and returned to the camp. They did this for six days.
15 On the seventh day, they got up at daybreak and marched around the city seven times in the same manner, except that on that day they circled the city seven times. 16 The seventh time around, when the priests sounded the trumpet blast, Joshua commanded the army, “Shout! For the Lord has given you the city! 17 The city and all that is in it are to be devoted[a] to the Lord. Only Rahab the prostitute and all who are with her in her house shall be spared, because she hid the spies we sent. 18 But keep away from the devoted things, so that you will not bring about your own destruction by taking any of them. Otherwise you will make the camp of Israel liable to destruction and bring trouble on it. 19 All the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron are sacred to the Lord and must go into his treasury.”
20 When the trumpets sounded, the army shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the men gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so everyone charged straight in, and they took the city. 21 They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it—men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.
22 Joshua said to the two men who had spied out the land, “Go into the prostitute’s house and bring her out and all who belong to her, in accordance with your oath to her.” 23 So the young men who had done the spying went in and brought out Rahab, her father and mother, her brothers and sisters and all who belonged to her. They brought out her entire family and put them in a place outside the camp of Israel.
24 Then they burned the whole city and everything in it, but they put the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron into the treasury of the Lord’s house. 25 But Joshua spared Rahab the prostitute, with her family and all who belonged to her, because she hid the men Joshua had sent as spies to Jericho—and she lives among the Israelites to this day.
26 At that time Joshua pronounced this solemn oath: “Cursed before the Lord is the one who undertakes to rebuild this city, Jericho:
“At the cost of his firstborn son
    he will lay its foundations;
at the cost of his youngest
    he will set up its gates.”

27 So the Lord was with Joshua, and his fame spread throughout the land.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

picking life and in the garden...

always a ramble...

We bought our house at the beginning of fall this past year.  I am now starting to think if we had seen it last summer, we might have passed on this house. The yard has A.D.D No joke.  The woman who lived here before planted EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE!!!  The yard with spring has come alive in full force.  I have to do Lamaze breathing just thinking about going outside right now as we have been conquering it one section at a time (deep breaths....)

On my first attempt a few weeks ago to do some "light weeding." Baby steps right? Trying to make this a family #familyrific  event (ok, I need troops to get this yard in order) After about 15 minutes my oldest and youngest disappeared. The only one at my side was Mari.  She so diligently got into helping me pull every weed we could find. Once we were done, or so I thought we were done, she ran back into the house to grab store bags to pick up the dog poo in the yard. She did this all without me telling her.  How this girl can melt my heart.  Something clicked with me as I saw her at work. Mari is a worker. I think as much as I want her to be a quiet kid, she isn't (not at all). She hasn't been made that way.  As she gets older and I think it is important to learn  to "be still",  I see how much she just wants to get down and get dirty to do things. How I can't wait to see what God has for her as an adult.  I just hope God allows me to keep up with her! 

As we picked weeds, she asked me "why we were picking them?  "how do you even know it is a weed." To be honest, I wasn't in the mood to be answering questions, I wanted to tackle my yard so the neighbors hopefully wouldn't start complaining; but as she was asking me these questions, the parables that Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 13 came to mind and I was so thankful for in the middle of just a daily chore to talk and to share a Bible story with Mari.

Mari and I got to talk about how even in life we need to "weed" things out.  As we pulled long weeds, some with even  "pretty flowers", I got to show her how a weed (even with a pretty flower) can start to choke the roots of the flowers in our yard, and like the weed,  so many things and people can start to hurt us if we don't remove them.  We talked about "weeding" out too much sweets (that didn't go over too well but she was listening!) We talked about how important it is to have good friends who don't get us in trouble.

We talked about how Jesus said the  good seed is of Heaven and the weeds are of Satan, and later read Matthew 13 together. At age 6,  it is amazing to see she can grasp some of what Jesus taught to his disciples, and the visual of seeing actual weeds intertwined with the flowers roots, and even though  both are living things, the bad can try so hard to take away anything from the good, but with might and even sweat, you can remove the bad.  We learned this together as we had some mega weeds with some deep roots that needed to be dug out with a shovel.   I love how twice in the chapter vs 9 and  43 it says, "Who ever has ears, let them hear."Such a great moment, and I almost missed it just trying to get yard work done.

So like the Farmer, I hope to have verse 8 kids (seeds), who are falling on good soil, even when daily, their parents are trying to learn to be on good soil themselves, and I am reminded I myself have to keep  weeding things out of my own life, to keep my kids walking toward Jesus.

via (
The Parable of the Sower
1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
10The disciples came to him and asked, “Why do you speak to the people in parables?”
11He replied, “Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. 12Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 13This is why I speak to them in parables:
“Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.
14In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:
“ ‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
15For this people’s heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.’a
16But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. 17For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.
18“Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 22The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.23But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”
The Parable of the Weeds
24Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’
28“ ‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.
“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
29“ ‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. 30Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’ ”
The Parables of the Mustard Seed and the Yeast
31He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field.32Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”
33He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty poundsb of flour until it worked all through the dough.”
34Jesus spoke all these things to the crowd in parables; he did not say anything to them without using a parable. 35So was fulfilled what was spoken through the prophet:
“I will open my mouth in parables,
I will utter things hidden since the creation of the world.”c
The Parable of the Weeds Explained
36Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.”
37He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, 39and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.
40“As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

fill my cup....

Been reading Psalm 63 over and over the last  few years.....I often find myself praying for Him to fill my cup on days  when kids are yelling and screaming for me to fill thiers! 


In your sanctuary fill me up

fill me up, fill me up 

fill my cup

You fill me up , you fill me up 

You fill my cup

in this dry and weary land 

 fill my cup

fill me up, fill me up  

 fill my cup

my soul thirsts for you 

fill me up

with singing lips and reaching hands  

fill my cup

Because your love is better than life 

fill me up

Be my help   

fill me up

My body longs for you 

Fill my cup

fill me up, fill me up 

fill my cup

You fill me up,  You fill me up

Lord you fill my cup
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Morning music jam with a side of a tantrum....our daily theme song...

I won't lie, most mornings our kids come down and the first thing they want to do is watch tv. Most days after my oldest goes to school, I let the two little ones watch a show or two and I get my time in to read a devotion, jot down a little journal and pray for the day. And in even more honesty, I am sure there has been more days then most when the tv is on for a good morning so I can do more than my God time. There I said it:)  Someday I want to strive to be that mom who has that all done before my kids get up, like I said, someday. 

Right now we get up with our oldest and get her ready for school. She makes me look good (when she isn't having a wardrobe melt down). We bought her a devotional as a gift a few years back and this is the first year she has really gotten into reading it. She even has a "to do" list on her wall for her mornings and she has "do devotion" on it. My heart swells just writing this. We read it and  pray right before she goes to get on the bus. This morning to add a little more mom bragging, she was the one who initiated it and prayed over me as I was still sleepy eyed. Holding on to these moments. Lord please carry this into her adulthood! 

As for the other two, I usually pray with them before I do my devotion and like I said, Mari all on her own brings me something to read to her.  I will be honest sometimes I just want to be left alone doing my own devotion and having my own time with God and much rather have them in front of the tv as usually I am silently scolding myself for not getting up earlier?  I am sure that is what Jesus meant when he said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14 Can I feel any more convicted?

I feel like I am making my devotion time sound "Christian Perfect." It is not like that one bit.  Here is a recap of how most mornings go.  

So to wait for their tv time, the two little ones eat and then go upstairs and play with these toy dinosaurs while I finish getting Dylan off to school.  Somedays I feel like we are in our own version of "Ground Hog Day".  It all goes and starts the same. About 9 o'clock Mari comes down as Hank is screaming  in a bird like screech, "She doesn't want to play any more!!!" And he falls to my feet screaming and crying. I then ask Mari if she could give him a warning that she wants to stop in 5 minutes, and she just says, "No," as if it was nothing.  Believe me, I know this  is all coming most of the time and try to prepare them for it by asking Mari to give him a warning as they go up, she just looks at me with a "Yeah right" look;/ . This is usually where I start my daily deep breathing...

In the middle of Hanks tantrum, our kitchen ipod begins to blare Toby Macs "Me Without You." And Mari starts to groove to what she calls the "Yellow Eye" song.  Talk about mixed emotions as I love to watch her dance and of all songs she picks this one, but then she also has her brother upset with her? Hank usually jumps into the song and they blare it about 2 more times.  Mari now have some hand motions to go with it all....We then do a little reading and then the kids watch tv. For now the routine works for us....We really are working on getting rid of the tantrum (I hope). Like Bill Murray in the movie, no matter how much he tries the day before, it still happens all the same the next day! I can relate with this tantrum. I also realize the kids will all be in school in the morning next year and mentally taking in how much I know I will miss this.  And thankful now that when I hear "Me without You" these flashback moments will flood my mind.  Thankful that also when Mari is in a Taylor Swift phase of her life, she picks this song to jam too! 

To be even more honest about this post, the last few weeks we have been in even more transition for us, as I am in daily orientation for a new nursing job and H and M are in "day care"  ( can you hear me whispering that?) When you go from being a stay at home mom, all you can feel is the judgment arising when you tell people that, especially other stay at home moms.  I need to write about that decision for us.....So I have actually been missing the daily tantrum.....So before I go to work I turn this on to get us  prepared for what the day has before us  as we are all  counting down the days until my orientation is over and I will then work a few nights a week, so we can go back to our much later in the morning  kitchen jams and tantrums (ok hoping the tantrums will not reappear!)...  

                                                             "Me Without You"

Raindrops rollin' off my brim
Streetlights got the pavement glistenin'
Touchdown, I fall into Your arms
Right where I belong
Your everlasting arms

And where would I be
Without You...

I'd be packin' my bags when I need to stay
I'd be chasin' every breeze that blows my way
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
It's true
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
Don't know where I'd be without You
(Wooooah, without you)

Flashback, step into the scene
There's You and there's a very different me
Touchdown, You had me at believe
You had me at believe, You did

And where would I be
Without You, without You...

I'd be packin' my bags when I need to stay
I'd be chasin' every breeze that blows my way
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
It's true
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
Don't know where I'd be without You

(Where would I be...)

(I was so deep,
So incomplete
Til' You rescued me
Yeah, You rescued me)

You rescued me
You are mine, I am Yours
You rescued me
And I am Yours forever
You saved me, remade me

And where would I be

I'd be packin' my bags when I need to stay
I'd be chasin' every breeze that blows my way
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
It's true
That I'd be packin' my bags when I need to stay
I'd be chasin' every breeze that blows my way
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
So true
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou
Don't know where I'd be without You

That's me without You-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou
Don't know where I'd be without You

These are my Mari Moments  

Monday, April 22, 2013

Finding Strong Connections....

always a ramble...

"Find people for your child to make strong influential relationships at an early age. Then have the HOPE they will grow to be one too."

This came to me today as we met a new friend who's wife is a zoo keeper. We are very much hoping to hit it off with this couple. Mari I already know, needs this woman in her life!

After fighting so much fear and anxiety as a kid and into adulthood. I don't want my kids to be so weighed down with their own fears and anxiety. So with that, I have realized I need to find strong friends to help surround my kids with. Friends who might be "better than me" at anything and everything. You know, those people you at your first inner most judgmental thought you might label as "PTA Mom"? Ha! Or the mom who cooks from scratch or somehow gets her kids to eat vegtables or some how kids "NEVER" fight. Or the person who makes their own clothes and jewlery. You know you just had someone come to mind!:)

I am so hopeful to meet this "zoo keeper" woman and be her friend, even more for Mari. I just feel Mari is meant to be something with her love for animals and I hate how already I let my worries of "will we be able to put her through vet school, if she wants to," or "what if because I didn't buy her a horse or have every stray cat live with us" and so forth ruin me.

I recently just met a friend of a friend who teaches sewing and no joke found out she lives down the street from us and our kids go to the same school. Random Coincidence? I honestly think not. I really believe God has heard my prayers for strong influential people to be in my kids lives. Dylan, my oldest, is a fashion diva and wants nothing but to learn to sew. She has taught herself to handsew already. Tara is this woman that when you first meet her you see "COOL" all over her and teaches sewing lessons! I am so thankful for these connections! I need to look past my own limitations and find people who dream like my kids and can connect with them at an early age in hopes they will become the adults they want to be and so they can never look back and say they weren't given the chance. Then even more, hope for them to be a connection to someone else.  

I have to realize I can't do be "everything" to my kids and I don't I have too. As we hit the teenage years too, I might have to humble myself that I won't be able to be my kids BFF and always understand them, but have hope that they will have a strong adult in their life that they can always turn too. As a kid I had that in my aunts and my grandma. I am forever thankful for that. They were always a listening ear when I didn't think my parents understood me. I am already mentally preparing for the hurt it will even cause me for my kids to poor themselves out to someone else when it might not be me. I am also just still hopeful it could be me. Time will tell and I have to trust God to direct their paths.

Our neighbor across the street is the sweetest lady. She has blessed us with just tremendous love. Once a week, she invites my oldest over for "girl talk" and paints her nails and braids Dylan's hair. They sit and talk together for over an hour and Vicki just poors herself into Dylan by letting Dylan just lead the conversation. We don't have family in the area and Dylan only has one grandma who lives over 4 hours away. I had a very strong bond with my grandma and sadly Dylan might never have with my mom because of the distance, but forever, I hope, she will remember Ms. Vicki and how this one woman would just invite her over to talk all about her, when she was 9 years old. Dylan use to bite her nails. I couldn't get her to stop, even when I, her mom would paint her nails in hope it would stop. But Vicki took Dylan out and got her some special nail polish and in just "their" time together, wtih encouragment, got Dylan to stop biting her nails. Dylan now gets french manicures for her long finger nails from Vicki once a week! (I never in my life have had a french manicure! ha!)

I already am forever thankful for Vicki.

I am now hoping to find this connection for Mari. My animal loving girl needs someone who LOVES animals as much as her, especially when her mama bearly puts up with the dog we have;/

I use the word HOPE a lot with this because Hebrews 11:1 says " Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hope is all about the unseen.  I want my kids to be "the evidence"...or the proof, that even when  I couldn't see what kind of adults they would be, I already believed in who they would be. Three amazing-creative-God Fearing adults, all  because  at their early ages, I recognized they needed more than just me and so I  prayed for and asked God for other people who could help finish designing  them into who God wanted them to be....

Holding on to Hope one day at a time....I also "Hope" not to look back at this someday when my house might be a zoo of animals and think to myself "why did I ask you that God??" 

Monday, March 18, 2013

Been M.I.A...a lot since July

We have  moved twice now to  different cities since 2011...we have home schooled...found new doctors, dentistis...looked for a  new church, met  new neighbors and friends X2 now. We now have sent the girls back to public school right before Christmas.   We are thriving and surviving at the same time right now... Like most American moms, I think we all need a voice of some sort?  So betwen Twitter and here can get a glispse of me here or there as life has been dragging us all over and I am learning so much right now and how my kids, espeically Mari makes me grow every day!

A bit of a ramble.....

Mari started Kindergarten this fall. We started off with homeschooling using K12 and loved the program and the teacher and the concept...Mari on the other hand rebelled and excelled if you can say those two words together?  We would have days of trying to do school and she wouldn't show me anything she knew because she would say "I already know it so I don't need to tell you." #exhausting!!!   Once we moved this last time, the school district we are in is excellent and after meeting  with the teachers and also on the verge of exhaustion with so much change, sending the kids back to has been a blessing. It was hard especially a week after we sent them back, the Conneticut shooting happened.  But in that moment I still felt the descion was a good one and had and continue to cover it in prayer.  I went to public school and in public school is where I began my relationship with Christ.  It began at a Fellowship of Christian Athlete meeting and then a year later at a Young Life event where it all of a sudden clicked, and faithfully I have been in this walk with Christ since then. Lots of valleys and highs... 17 years, one marriage, 7 moves and 3 kids later.  I feel stretched, probed, and broken in my walk all at the same time strenghthed and  I now want to raise my kids to be lights in the public school and in our community.  That is my hope, we will evaluate it every year with the kids and the school and pray our way through this. ...I started another post on the pros and cons of homechool and public school a while ago and never posted it...will need to as we have learned so much through both...

The first month after Mari began kindergarten back in brick and motar, which for us is just half day, I emailed the teacher to see how she was doing.  No joke, the resonse I got, I first thought was an email to the wrong parent.  I prepared myself reading the email and millions of thoughts of meetings and IEPs that were to be discussed all went through my head. I read the email holding my breath.  I am now going to have it framed or placed in her baby book.  This is what the email said :

"She is doing great! She is above where she needs to be in reading and does a great job during reading groups. She is very good at raising her hand and participating in class discussions.  She always follows the rules and is a good role model to some of the other students! She is a pleasure to have..."

Please read that again for me and share in my joy!  Because I have heard and know from other parents and their experiences with their own kids,  that when Mari comes home she isn't all the things the teacher has said, but I know she is going out into the world right now being an example.  Since then, her report card has said she needs to be reminded not to talk during certain times, but is excelling even above the other kids. Honestly a bit of me loves that she has to be reminded not to talk  and that  she is loving on her friends and has a need to know them.  She comes home and wants to have them all over!  So right now I am thankful she is in school and continue to pray she thrives. 

At home she still pushes our buttons and tries to see what she can get away with.  From the moment she gets up we argue about getting dressed and what she will eat at each meal.  Talk about exhausting, especially because she drags her little brother and partner in crime into most of these battles;/   At night though she is the first kid to pull out the kids Jesus Bible and makes us read. In the morning she grabs my Oswald Chambers devotionl "My Utmot For His Highest" and it is the one with "thys" and "thoughs" and she says, "READ."  It is these moments I know she is not mine but Gods child and He is growing her and I only day by day can help direct and guide her in my best ablity...and on some of those days we cry, or laugh or both and even sometime scream!  ....

taking it all day by day...ox

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Mari can use the phone!

Mari has learned this summer to call her dad, as our phone numbers are taped to the fridge.  I can't explain it , but it just fills my heart when she asks if she can call him. I love watching her do this.  She stands in front of our fridge, looking at the numbers and trying to find them on the phone. Sometimes she messes up and it takes a few trys to get it (so far she hasn't called anyone we don't know! And thank goodness that now a days we don't have to worry about long distance, as it has become a standard part of most of our phone contracts).  Going to get a little concerned if I find an international call on my next bill?

I have struggled having a "home phone" because it just seems like an extra bill, but now see that it is vital for us to keep it for the kids. At least until that moment where they are all old enough to be begging for cell phones (not looking forward to those moments).

  As a child, my parents were divorced, and my sisters and I  lived with just my dad. He worked at an auto plant,  and was up in a boiler room, but we could always call him when we needed too. I remember sometimes calling him 5-6 times in a row! Here was this single father, working in a plant with other men, but he would always take our calls and if  he couldn't, he would call us back. Half the time, our calls were to have him settle some fight on the other line.  Now as a parent,  I know what he must have been thinking, " I am at work! I want to be with you but can't because I need to provide! Quit calling me! But call me back if you need to! I love those kids but they are driving me crazy!"   I had forgotten all about that until Mari started wanting to use the phone to dial Dan's number. I found myself so thankful he was always so wiling to be there for us at that time of life, even when he couldn't be physically.

I love hearing Mari  talk to her dad, or when she can't actually talk to him, her leaving a message.  Her little voice with her slight lisp, is priceless. It usually sounds like this, "Hi Dad, it's me Mari. Just want to know how work is going."  She then goes to tell him every moment of her day.

Mari knows daddy is working and sometimes with people, so he might not be able to always talk,  but she can leave him a message and he will call her back.  I shared my recent memory of my own dad and calling him at work with Dan. I love how open he was to making sure he was available for the kids when they called.

This summer is proving that my kids are growing up and are little people, as I am catching these small priceless  moments of them growing up.  I thought Mari  learning to use the phone would be about her just learning her numbers along with our phone numbers; but it has become more about learning her needs of communication, and now as a parent how I and Dan need to be aware of them, even when at some moments we are not physically available.